Get Me Some Twigs and a Pen Knife.

Bank holiday weekends are wonderful. I’ve always been in the kind of job that means you don’t get to enjoy them, and makes them worse than regular weekends – but being a student bum has totally changed that. Two bank holiday weekends in the space of two weeks? Magical. I can only hope all of yours are as wonderful as this:I wish I could tell you where it was taken. We started off in Dunster, and ended up in Lynmouth (which is the quaintest, most beautiful seaside town I have ever seen) and this was on a toll road somewhere along the way. When I say toll road, I mean that there was a man stood outside his house in a shed attached to a gate, charging people £2.50 for the privilege. Worth every penny, not only for the amazing scenery, I also got to play with my camera a bit more. I bought an Olympus E-PL1 in November last year, and I have used it roughly 4 times since then. I have made a promise to myself that I will be getting it out more often from now on!

Student loans haven’t quite made it to the bank for all of us, and I am among those – but for those of you shaking your fists at your screens, swearing about tax robbing idlers, I have a job interview tomorrow morning, and trial shifts Saturday, Monday and Thursday. I’m almost excited to be getting back into work again, and I’m certainly looking forward to being less horrifically poor over the summer. Things are always more fun that way! I got my hair cut and coloured this morning, and have spent the last hour or so covered in oats and banana, all in the name of beauty. A close friend has been working at Lush for the last year or so, and I am now officially a convert. I actually think I want to eat my own face a little bit, it smells amazing. I had a slight allergic reaction to a packet face mask a month or so ago, and was recommended their “Oatfix” fresh face mask, which is lovely. My face feels pretty good, and I can’t stop touching it. Please just go and get some? I’d advise leaving any credit cards at home, the staff are pretty good at their jobs, the products speak for themselves and I have no totally rearranged my beauty and cleansing routines around their goodies – but now have no money for the pub.

As it is now after midnight, I ought to mention the royal wedding. Should that be capitalized – “Royal Wedding”? I’m not sure about the correct protocol or grammar in this situation. I hope that I’m not the only one who caught the utterly hilarious mystery guest on Russell Howard’s Good News this evening. William Hanson, international manners and etiquette expert. He comes in about 17 minutes in, so please go and watch it, just to see him squirm. He calls everybody that isn’t titled a”commoner”, and then defends himself as the audience boo by telling them it is the official term. Because officially being a commoner makes it better. I’m a huge fan of Russell Howard, but this is one of his proudest moments, as he becomes the child within himself. Go and watch episode 6 of series 4, please, so you know what I’m nattering on about.

What’s Your Favourite Scary Movie?

So, its been a while – the Easter break has officially kicked in, finally, and I’ve been a bit more occupied with summery things. On Monday I went to see Scream 4, or for those of us who would prefer the stylized version SCRE4M. It was amazing. I won’t include any spoilers (because I highly recommend that you see it) but my expectations were more than fulfilled.

If you didn’t like the first three, there isn’t much point – Wes Craven is a hero, and I’m so glad that they’ve stayed true to the rest of the franchise. Going from the first self aware scary movie, Scream 4 brings the whole thing almost full circle – a movie within a movie, and to quote Courtney Cox, “How meta can you get?” Courtney Cox and David Arquette both put in amazing performances, especially considering their recent split (which did not dilute the integrity of either of their roles – such professionalism!). Hayden Panettiere is another commendable presence in the film; I’m only a little disappointed she didn’t have a more prominent role. The disappointment for me was Emma Roberts. She plays the victim very well, and to begin with she was stomach-able, but towards the end of the film her character became totally unbelievable and just badly cast. I did, at one point, come very close to walking out in protest. I am, however, glad I stayed. Cox, Arquette and Neve Campbell managed to salvage the entire film, thankfully, and I am glad I stayed, because Campbell cracks out some one liners at the end that totally make the film.

I went to a gig on Friday night at the Beach in Yeovil, to see some friendly faces, and listen to some good music. A SKA gig at the Beach I hear you cry? I am so glad I went – hopefully they’ll be doing more of the same over the summer. The bands; Flippant Malarkism, The Junk and King Tuts Revenge, all bought lovely ska beats and musical tones to our ears. I don’t know much about music, but if something makes you want to dance, it’s a pretty good thing in my book. If you get the chance, definitely worth a watch.

As its Easter Sunday, there is a jug of pimms with my name on it, and I think we’re having a BBQ shortly, but I’ll be posting again soon. This one isn’t invited, but as promised, here is a picture of my lamb. Her name is Matilda, and she is getting big!

Glastonbury!

Okay, so the line up has just been released… I’m upset it isn’t sunny any more, but this news makes it once again within touching distance – so very, very excited! A couple of grumbles though; firstly, what is up with the Pyramid Stage line up this year? The Saturday looks awful, Elbow are probably the only band I’ll make the effort to go and watch. Who the hell even is Rumer? Much more excited about East Dance – Fatboy Slim, Beardyman and The Midnight Beast? Yes please. I’m ignoring Ke$ha for the time being. The only other thing I can be upset about is the fact that I am not in possession of a time turner (yes, I am getting my Harry Potter geek on – what of it?). I keep seeing more and more people I want to go and see. Eels, QOTSA and The Chemical Brothers. Essentially this is going to be a badly organised list of the Glasto line up – minus Coldplay, because its cool to hate them and U2 because Bono is so self righteous it hurts. All I need to do is find some way to lure the sunshine back to Somerset…

To take a bit of a sidestep, The Hobbit Blog has pointed me in the direction of a video (click here) that Peter Jackson posted today about the start of the production. More excitement! Very small clip of Andy Serkis in the make up chair, and Jackson talking about new parts of Rivendell that they’ve made – but they won’t show us that yet. I never really got into the Lord Of The Rings stuff as much, but I remember reading and loving the Hobbit as a child; I’ve still got the copy my Grandma gave me when I was little. Hopefully not much longer than a year to wait now… IMDB says it should be 19th December 2012, but I can’t find any other sources to back that up and the world may or may not have ended by then. I’ve survived so many apocalypses, I find it hard to keep track.

Tomorrow I have a job interview, with the wonderful people who combined Marmite and Cheddar. The only other thing of note to happen to me today was finding 50p in the dryer. I shouldn’t be as excited, but times really are that hard.

Thin People are Beautiful, But Fat People Are Adorable

Jackie Gleason was not a thin man, but when he is talked about, he is more recognised for his acting and musical work than he is for his weight. I rarely join arguments that have anything to do with eating disorders, or weight issues. People have them, people come in all different shapes and sizes, and no amount of discussion will ever change that. Today I felt the need to say something. Many of you will be familiar with the BBC1 soap, Eastenders. There is currently a character called Abi Branning. The actress who plays her is called Lorna Fitzgerald, she is a keen dancer, and enjoys ballet and tap. She was born in 1996, which, by my calculations would make her 15 years old. Today, somebody posted a facebook status, referring to her as “Abi the chunk”. Now, everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but a grown “man” (and I use the term extremely loosely) calling her a chunk when she is clearly a perfectly healthy size?

In the world of showbiz, people are under constant scrutiny by the invisible forces that pressure us to feel we ought to be 2 sizes smaller than we are, spend silly amounts of time tweezing, waxing, bleaching, straightening, tanning and anything else we can do to change our appearance. Who are these people and why are they telling us to behave this way? Today the Daily Mail posted an article about Gemma Collins, from the ITV show The Only Way is Essex who has recently posed nude for Heat Magazine, declaring that she loves her 17 stone body and the size 20 curves that come with it. Good for her, really good for her, because I know I would never have the confidence to do something as bold. And if she really is happy, then that is a lot more than 90% of the women I know can claim. But as an ambassador for larger women, what kind of message are we sending out? We can ban size 0 models from catwalks, because they’re starving themselves to death, but when somebody who is overweight wants to pose naked, we hold them up as a shining example to the rest of the world.

So now I’ve finished my little rant, I’m aware I am sending rather mixed messages. I know I run the risk of sounding a little bit Mean Girls but please, can’t we all just get along? Guys, don’t comment on a girls body weight. It makes you sound rude, immature and shallow. Especially if that girl is only 15. Girls, you don’t have to be obese and you don’t have to be a stick figure. Find a happy medium, happy being the operative word. Now that is over, I will try really hard not to talk about size issues, because there is far too much of that in the world already.

The sheep are doing well; still no names for the girls, but my cruel, cruel little sister has named the two boys “Lamb” and “Chops”.  I’m thinking maybe Matilda. I used to love that book! Today, I have been re-reading Wide Sargasso Sea for an English essay I have due after the Easter break. I feel like I will never escape Jane Eyre. In other news, Nick Clegg has been urged to pull out of the coalition by one of his own party members. It hasn’t been a good week for him. It has been suggested that Lib Dem MPs around the country are going to lose seats because Nick Clegg has lost supporters. It is a shame, but its also a bit concerning that even his own party are trying to disown him. Do I smell mutiny?

Desperate Housewives?

Day one of sorting my life out and I’m sat in my pyjamas watching children’s TV. How I love the holidays. The lambs are feeding better now too – I’m just looking forward to not needing a shower as soon as I’ve finished giving them the bottle. Still need names for the two girls – I’m thinking maybe Thelma and Louise? There aren’t really too many pairs of girls names, a lot trickier than I thought it would be. The sun is no longer shining, and it actually looks pretty miserable outside. You have to love the British weather.

The reason this is titled “Desperate Housewives” today is because I recently read a news story about David Willetts. The University minister for the UK, Willetts feels that feminism is a huge issue for social mobility. According to Dave, “women who would otherwise have been housewives had taken university places and well-paid jobs that could have gone to ambitious working-class men.”

From Frank Warren's Postsecret

I mean, I understand that there has been a shift in the working demographics for this country, but to blame it entirely on feminism? I am sorry that I have taken such a valuable space in education. He is right, that space could have gone to a man. I’m not particularly fond of feminism. I’m all for women being granted opportunity and equality, but I think people need to remember that there are differences between men and women. And when it all boils down to it, feminism should really be about choice more than anything else. That is when I came across this secret. Postsecret may or may not be something that you are familiar with, but I have been reading every Sunday for as long as I can remember. It is an ongoing community art project where people send in postcards with their secrets on the back of them. This postcard in particular stood out after reading the news story. Sometimes, I agree with Dave on his take on feminism. I think it is sad that clearly some women feel pressured into education because it is naturally the next step. But before the Pankhurst sisters are spinning in their graves, I will say that I am incredibly grateful for the sacrifices they made. It is a shame that people thing feminists only exist in razor dodging lesbians.

This afternoon I have a wonderful friend coming to collect me, who is then going to drive me round and help me find a job. Job searching is so soul destroying, I’m thankful for the company. Also, I think people have now realised if it isn’t free, I won’t be able to join in. I really, really hate being poor. Now for the lunchtime feed – I promise I will get some pictures up while they’re still cute!

There’s No Place Like Home

I arrived home roughly 40 hours ago, and I am currently sat in the living room listening to my sisters fight over Super Mario Bros. The thing that makes it really special is the inanely repetitive 1980’s platform game music. I’m not saying I didn’t miss them/this,  but it is times like these that make me glad I’m too far away to pop back for weekend visits. I did have a lovely evening with my mum last night though. We went out for a meal at my favourite Indian restaurant and stopped off at Blockbuster on the way home to pick up a couple of DVDs. We picked ‘Cemetery Junction’ and ‘Burke and Hare’  – neither of which are the most recent films, but we chose mainly on the cast (both fans of Ricky Gervais and Simon Pegg).

I know it received mixed reviews, but I was a little bit disappointed with ‘Cemetery Junction’. It was a good watch, and it was well made, but I couldn’t help feeling I’d seen it all before. Anybody who has seen ‘Starter For 10’ will know what I’m talking about. The storyline differs slightly, but they both consist of the same main elements. Bawdy, uneducated roughish best friend with a penchant for ladies and fist fighting? Check, and in both cases (and, even though supposedly decades apart, both sporting the same slick black hair and obligatory bad boy leather jacket). Slightly chubby, awkward second friend? Present in both. Main character a bit distant because he can’t wait to get out and do better for himself? Yes, even to the point where he is treated badly and he doesn’t realise he’s surrounded by arseholes. Even though we’ve seen them all before, the characters are well written and likeable, which is the only thing that really saves this film. That and the fact its nice to look at and has an amazing soundtrack.

‘Burke and Hare’ is black comedy at its best. With a cast so fantastic, Christopher Lee does a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo and every single part, is played by one of the British comedy greats. Not as funny as his work with Nick Frost, Simon Pegg is shadowed by Andy Serkis’ performance – and quite rightly so. For the plot, the casting is brilliant. It is British humour at its best; dry and sarcastic, with a pinch of physical slapstick thrown in for good measure. A nice, easy to watch film. Of course, it isn’t written for the plot twists; based on a true story it would be hard to make anything truly shocking, but I would definitely recommend.

It is so sunny, we’ve just eaten lunch in the garden, and soon it’ll be time to feed the lambs again – we picked some up this morning and we’re keeping them so they’ll be hand reared and bottle fed. They are so cute and tiny, but it just makes me want to be vegetarian again. I’m glad I don’t like lamb! More on that tomorrow – and possibly pictures as well.

I Should Be Packing…

So, today I am going home for the Easter Break – I was supposed to leave this morning so I’d be home in time for a proper cooked meal, but in true student form I went out last night, drank too much and then couldn’t get out of bed this morning. It’s been so sunny today, and all of the people I live with are pretty much done with education, so I forced myself out for a hangover lunch (at The Font in Leicester, best sandwich I’ve had in a VERY long time – details here; http://www.thefontpub.co.uk/) and have done nothing since I got back, but look at pictures of Bradley Cooper, and get excited about tents and wellies.

The sunshine has made me ridiculously excited for Glastonbury Festival – although I am slightly disappointed with the headline acts I’m hugely excited for the Chemical Brothers and Mumford and Sons (who, I have been told, were amazing last year!). I haven’t been camping in forever, and I’m sure I’ve not done it for more than one night in a row either (for a country girl, I’m pretty pathetic really) but, I’m sure if I can afford a jelly bean tent (available at Tesco) it would make everything wonderful. Right now, I have enough petrol to get home and that is about it really – so I might hold off on the shopping for a while. What I think I will  be doing is working on my “tan”. I use the word casually, as “tan” for me is quite difficult to achieve. I’m either pink or white, which is always a bit rubbish. Hopefully there will be enough sunshine over Easter for me to gradually build up my sun tolerance – so I won’t look quite so pasty when I go.

Going back to Bradley Cooper, I went to see his new film “Limitless” about a week ago. It starts out with such good intentions, but as soon as Robert De Nero is introduced the plot spirals out of focus. Such a shame, because Cooper is amazing in it and although brilliant as ever, De Nero is wasted in his role. Its about a down and out writer in New York who loses his girlfriend and never makes rent. Bumps into his ex brother in law and is given a second chance in the form of a little clear pill, that allows him to harness 100% of his brainpower. It begins so well, and the cinematic techniques used are pretty good and aesthetically speaking the men in the film are quite pleasing – it is just disappointing that suddenly as an audience you’re launched into the stock market and it just doesn’t really make any sense any more.

In other news, my tickets for Alton Towers came through today. I have to wait until the 25th of September to go, but as a reward for getting up and abandoning my journalistic morals by buying the Sun for a fortnight they are free so I can’t complain – its always nice to have plans to get excited for. The other thing I am excited about is waving goodbye to the concrete yard at the back of my uni accommodation and saying hello to the grassy garden in Somerset I never thought I’d miss.

I should probably start packing.

“Why Are The Students Angry?”

Really Clegg, really?

In his latest attempt to gain sympathy from the general population, Nick Clegg has appealed to their good old human nature, saying “I’m a human being, I’m not a punchbag – I’ve of course got feelings.” In an interview conducted by Jemima Khan, Clegg has revealed that he frequently cries to classical music, doesn’t belong in Dave’s world of Oxfordshire dinner parties, and he also claims that “I didn’t even spend that much time campaigning on tuition fees.” I’m sorry, but when I look at this interview, the only thing I can see is a 44 year old man who is feeling a bit sorry for himself because none of the other boys want to let him play.

I can totally appreciate that it must be horrible to be spat on in public, and having faecal matter posted through your front door probably isn’t  fantastic either… I don’t condone this behaviour, nor should anybody have to put up with it – but asking us to sympathise with him because his 9 year old son asks “Why are the students angry with you, Papa?” I’m not being funny, but is this really the best he can come up with? He even states elsewhere in the interview that “I have a rather old-fashioned belief that you’ve got to stand by what you’ve done and take the consequences, good or bad.” So how is this standing by your actions? And FYI, you aren’t going to get extra pity points for having a son called Antonio, who refers to you as “papa”.

Maybe I am being a bit harsh. I mean, it must be difficult to tell your children that you’re a spineless liar. What a ridiculous display of self indulgence. I don’t much care for Cameron, but at least he doesn’t get upset about being such a wanker. And for the claim that you didn’t spend much time on student fees? I beg to differ. As a student, I definitely remember all the publicity and effort he put into this pledge.

I know this is riddled with literary errors, I’m just so angry I can’t use my words properly. And we can’t all afford to go to bloody Cambridge…